Personally, I had a strange phenomenon occur when I ventured over the 30 year hump…I developed a god-awful case of the sniffles.  Concerned, I check with my local Tonsorial Parlor and its sawbones.  I was notified that I had developed Allergies, thus another added bonus of aging gracefully.  I am a Pollen, Dust and Dander which, for a proud papa of two four-legged ranch hands who travels state to state and performs primarily outside, can be likened to being an albino who desperately longs for a tan.

Now I know that for some, it isn’t all that easy to keep up with the monthly insurance bills or have insurance at all, for that matter.  So I have taken the time to jot down some kernels of wisdom I have gathered from our brothers and sisters on the road.

Allergies – If you got em…I feel your pain!  If you’re lucky enough to find one of those all too expensive medications that actually works…keep it in supply!  If not, be sure you have a nasal decongestant and cough suppressant around.  I prefer Alka Seltzer plus Cold Medicine…it has both, and is non drowsy.  If I get to the point where I need extra air intake, I’ll take a snort from a bottle of Dristan Nasal Spray.  Be careful…these sprays can be addictive!

Cold and Flu – I stumbled across a great product called Airborne.  Developed by a second grade teacher to fight off the germs and such she would contact annually from her two-legged snot factories, it is taken when the first signs of a cold appear.  If your ailment is in full force, and you still have to perform…I still recommend the Alka Seltzer plus Cold Medicine for daytime relief and usually a nighttime reliever for a good nights sleep.  Sleep is much needed during these times…keep that in mind.

Losing your voice – Learned this from Doug “the Ragin’ Cajun” Kershaw.  Besides the copious amounts of Tennessee Sippin’ Whiskey…He has the most kickass remedy for Laryngitis.  In an 8oz. Coffee mug combine 1 Tablespoon of Honey, the Juice from ½ a Lemon, and ½ Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper (or more if you can stand it) with Hot water or your favorite Tea.  Dissolve the Honey and sip.  I usually do a couple gargles to get the motor running.  Also, you can cool this and keep it in a little spray bottle and hit the back of your throat when needed, great for performances.

Bones and such – God forbid anyone should break a bone or even twist one in a way that is causes pain.  If you do the former…get thee to a doctor, quickly!  The latter is a little easier to remedy.  Ice it down, wrap it in an Ace Bandage and elevate it…if you have that luxury.  If you’ve got show to do…and can’t get out of em…here’s my backup plan.  Ice it down, Wrap it tightly, and here’s the RJ touch…I have about four pairs of footwear I wear while performing.  Be it Boots or Patent Leather…I have two of each pair…one is my regular size, and one is 2 sizes bigger.  That way, when wrapped after being iced, I can slip either foot into the bigger boot or shoe.  It provides support and doesn’t detract from the overall appearance of the show one bit.  I may be a little costly, but trust me…being able to perform injured and not re injure yourself all the while remaining comfortable and appearing as if nothing is wrong is well worth the added cost.

Vision – Got Glasses?  Make sure you pack your spares.  Be them contacts or specs…you can never have too many.  And the best thing is, if you’re like me…you carry your eyeglass prescription in your Docs Folder and can run into any Costco in the country and get a replacement pair for $29.95.  Be sure to stock up on your lens cleaners/soakers as well…you’d be amazed at the lousy assortment you may find in some states.

Teeth – Ok, this is one of my biggest fears, as a matter of fact, I am having quite a bout with growing enough cojones to go and see my dentist.  I dislike them all.  Deathly afraid of them to be quite honest.  I have, however amassed quite a plethora of useful tips in relieving pain until you can’t bear it any longer.  Two Words:  Clove Oil!   This little gem packs quite a powerful punch when it comes to knocking out toothaches.  Of course, there is the saltwater swish, quick and fast pain relief and dissuades infection.   Temporary fillings are a godsend.  You can pick up a little packet at most drugstores…lasts about 7 days.  But keep in mind, Gabby Hayes made quite a name for himself with out a tooth in his head!

Finally, do a little research when you get to a venue.  If you are only there for a night or two, know where everything is…i.e., the first aid kit etc…  If you are there for longer, check into where your local healthcare provider has offices or where your insurance is accepted.  Find out where the local Emergency Clinics or Docs in a Box are and, as the Boy Scouts say “Be Prepared”.

Until Next time, I’ll see you in the Funny Pages,

RJ Owens